i don't know what's happening but i'm scared. scared of everything, I hope he won't throw our relationship away like rubbish. he isn't answering any phone calls, wasn't at home today, but told me yesterday that we meet tday. i don't know. maybe i'm overreacting, i don't know, but what i know is that i can't handle this whole thing anymore. if something happened to him i wouldn't forgive me. hope for me..

what happened to us?

hey guys, it's like the darkest day ever since "the day.
i guess, i lost him just because of my words. maybe the separation is better for now.. but thinking about it hurts so much that it's like someone's thrusting me with a knife right through my stomach. i want him back :-( soo heavily..

i guess i burned out.

wtf, my life sucks at the moment. i dunno really why but school is getting exhausting, work is getting exhausting, my whole life is getting exhausting.. i don't have any time for sports, like going to the gym, biking and stuff like that, i'm afraid that i'm getting fat and ugly.. seriously my boss at work is a backstabbing bitch, doesn't pay my money, omg she's so bitchy and dumb, idk how to get over this. in fact i worked hard for her, like the whole time she was so desperate i was there for her. also i had a complicated situation like the thingy i told you in my last post, but now i'm feeling so exhausted.. it's like i don't have passion anymore for anything. my room looks like a mess and actually i'm the kind of person who tidies up her room everytime it's untidy.. and now.. idk what happened to me but i guess i have to see a doctor or a therapist or something like that. it's so unusual how i'm acting at the moment.. and i can't stop beeing so weird, there is no like escapements in me which are always saying, hey hun, get normal. it's always this weird, nooo i don't wanna do this anymore.. maybe i really should get over this with help.. from outside. beyond everything i have to get normal and i want my normal life back. i have to work for it. love u guys.